Stamps, Paper, Scissors

Time for a Reality Check

Really, guys, do I have to explain everything? Sheesh!

What am I talking 'bout, Willis? Let me 'splain, Lucy!

I posted last, as you may recall, for the Freaks' tour, for which I received a comment that kind of threw me for a loop. It wasn't in my comments, it was directly emailed to me and I am not telling you who. But I was not sure about how to respond and so I have been MIA while I have been contemplating it.

Here it is:

  Yes, we do LOVE you!!!  But PLEASE STOP, STOP, STOP with the YILM or I
may TU!!!  (throw up)!!

I was, to say the least, gobsmacked. So it think a little education is in order for those who just don't "get it". And let me hasten to add that this is all written in the spirit of SARCASM. I was raised to believe in Sarcasm as the ultimate expression of love for people you care about, so I hope you know that the mere fact that I am being sarcastic here on my blog means I wuv you vewy much.

People may think I am stuck on myself, if they haven't been around long enough to know better. YILM = Yes, I love myself. You know this, right? If you don't and always wondered, now you know. BTW, it is in the legend in the right sidebar that defines terms that are peculiar to my blog. I have always been happy to explain to anyone who asked what it means.

However, what it does not mean is that I am so stuck on myself that I think I am perfect, or even practically perfect in every way like Mary Poppins. Frankly, the only use I can make of an umbrella is this one.

Anyway, what YILM means is that, in that moment of creation aftermath, while I am still basking in the glow of a successful project, that I pretty much think I am extremely clever to have made the whatever it was I have made. I am, rest assured, still well aware of all my failings, including the pathetic fact that in order to feel like I am validated, I have to post a picture of my project online and hope people agree with me about how cool it is and how wonderful I am. If that isn't the supreme example of a person who has low self esteem, I don't know what is.

And thus, when I first was writing this blog, in the spirit of Sarcasm, I coined the phrase "YILM". It is MY acronym. I use it to remind you that you actually are on MY blog and not anyone else's as well as to remind myself that I am a pathetic scrambler after people's good opinions. After all, if I had perfect self esteem, I would simply use the card and never show it to anyone.

Of course, there is all that "sharing" stuff that we all do to help those on their papercraft travels to explore the vast universe of papercrafting and to boldly go where ...

Well... Never mind!

Honestly, I have received a lot of comment on my little acronym over the years I have been using it. Mostly, people laugh. That is what it is there for, after all. People who know that I am poking fun AT MYSELF for feeling the way I do about a project, who feel the same way when they make something they just fall in love with.

Other people have told me that YILM gives them a great feeling, since it is good to see a woman who seems to think well of herself, since most of us do not, as a matter of course because of the way we are brought up or have been treated later in life by other people. You would be amazed at how much they like to see that, because that is not at all the way they feel about themselves and they  are trying to feel better about themselves, after years of being told by other people that they are unworthy of any kind of esteem, their own or anyone else's. For those people and for the sheer reason that YILM has become a hallmark of my blog, I have continued to use it.

Frankly, I could stop writing YILM tomorrow and it wouldn't bother me a bit, except for letting down the people who I mention above. If you were to comb through my blog posts, you may even find somewhere I have forgotten to put it in. Sometimes I have had to go back and add it when I notice I left it out. Yes, sometimes even *I* grow weary of YILM.

But hey, it is just FOUR LITTLE LETTERS. Four little letters that are easy to skip over. Four letters you need not shield your children's precious eyes from if they happen to glance at it, unlike other words and acronyms with the same amount of letters that are far more offensive than YILM.

So, let's just accept the fact, shall we, that I will continue to use YILM. If it bugs you, just skip on over that part, after all, it is always in the same places in every post. If not, I believe you can get a good deal on barf bags over at Airline Liquidators Inc.

And now for something completely different, a card:

Ingredients: Stamps - A Beautiful Season; Paper - Holly Berry Bouquet DSP, Silver Shimmer paper, Wild Wasabi, So Saffron, Real Red, Chocolate Chip; Ink - Versamark, Wild Wasabi, So Saffron, Real Red; Other - Black EP, Boho Blossoms Punch, Decorator Lable Punch, Eyelet Lace border punch, Word Window punch, Chocolate Chip Dotted Scallop ribbon, Subtles Glimmer Brads, gold brads, sponge wedges, markers.

Yes. It is GOJUS!!! And... And.... And...

YILM!

Sorry... I meant to make 4 little letters and it just got away from me. Ooops. My bad.

Ta!

Happy Memorial Day!

A little early!

I'm enjoying the weekend, getting all crafty and like that!

That's an interesting story in itself. Emily is graduating from the 8th grade next week. This being a parochial school, we have a graduation ceremony and a party afterward. This is a class of 23 kids, so all of us parental units were told we needed to volunteer to be on a committee for the graduation. For Laurel's 8th grade graduation at the parochial school they used to go to until it closed, I volunteered to make the teachers' thank you cards. But they don't have this tradition at Emily's school. And now that I am working, I simply don't have as much time to do that kind of crafting.

So I volunteered for the cake committee. I thought, "How hard can it be? You find a baker, you order a cake, pay for it, and go pick it up. Easy-peasy, lemon-squeazy!"

Well, I was not put on the cake committee, instead I was told they needed me on the graduate gift committee instead. Fine, I thought, and waited to be told what to do.

And waited. And waited. The volunteering had been done just before Christmas. Surely soon someone who tell me what I was supposed to do. Then I got an email last month from one of ther other moms in the class who said, "I understand you are the chair of the gift committee and I have an idea for the gift."

Chair? No one had said that I was in charge of this thing! Ack! Surely NOW someone would let me know what it was I was supposed to do for this!

Finally, towards the end of last month, I talked to Emily's teacher about it. She said they would be getting me a budget sometime at the beginning of May and told me some ideas for things that people had done before. One of the ideas was a movie box, i.e. movie tickets or video rental gift card, with microwave popcorn packages, candy, and maybe a can of pop. This seemed doable. I have a ton of gable boxes that would work well for that. So I waited to find out what the budget was. And waited. And waited.

Finally, last week the teacher got in contact with me. She had lots of ideas about what to do, including a picture frame that we could decorate. I told her I didn't think we had time to do anything that involved and that I really thought the movie box was a great idea. I told her about the boxes I had and that I would decorate them with the class colors and they would be nifty. She said she would price the frames and get back to me. The more I thought about it, the more I thought, "Dang it! I'm the chairperson here! I want to do movie boxes!"

So I went to the scrapbook store and bought paper that said "Class of 2011" on it plus some cardstock in the class colors. It was on this visit to the scrapbook store that I reasoned myself into an electronic die cutting machine, which my husband was told later he had bought me. (Don't you love how that works?) After all, doing 23 boxes like that would be difficult without one and I could make them really cool with die cuts. It would save me a lot of work. I had resisted, you see, buying one before this time because I could not really see a need for it. But now that I was there, with the lure of a new toy staring me in the face, it seemed that NOT buying one would not be a good choice. You can see that, can't you?

And I hadn't gotten a birthday present from Dan yet, which truth to be told I usually buy myself, then tell him what he got me. Works out well, I get what I want and he gets out of having to shop for me. WINNING!

So I bought it and a cartridge with graduation images on it and thought myself pretty clever.

But I was not so clever, because when I emailed the teacher and told her what I planned to do and showed her a picture of a gable box so she could see what I would be working with, she called me and told me she had already bought the gift, bought the picture frames plus some gift cards and that I didn't have to do anything. I had been out control freaked!

I had always thought I ranked up there pretty high in the "I had better do that if it's going to get done right" category, but the teacher apparently was giving me a run for my money. Me, the person who did the entire project for the database design class I took, just handing the two guys in my group things they could read for the presentation, becuase I just KNEW that I could do it all much better than they could. After all, I had the software and I could do the presentation manual in PageMaker and I could actually make a working model of the software in FoxPro and run it for the presentation. I knew exactly what I wanted and I did it all. And we got an A.

So I can see the teacher's side of this, i.e., she is probably freaking out because this had not been taken care of yet (but whose fault was that? Not mine!) but on the other hand, being a control freak myself, I would have done a fine job and would have stayed up late many nights in a row to make sure everything was just so. Cause that's just the way I roll, yo! But apparently she does not know me very well.

After a very short period of just blank faced astonishment (Why do we have committees if the teacher is just going to do this stuff anyway?), mixed with relief (Yay, I don't have to do that!) and consirable ire (I really think the movie box would have been better!!!) which I swallowed, I asked her if she still wanted me to do the boxes. She said, "Sure!"

THen I got to thinking...and sent her the box dimensions before I did a single thing more. And sure enough, what she had bought was not going to fit inside.

But she said she would wrap the stuff herself and I wouldn't have to worry about a thing.

I tried to return the paper. They wouldn't take it back. Here I am with $20 worth of paper that can't be returned that I would have no other use for and now what?

So since part of the gift includes a gift card, I reasoned my way into making holders for the gift cards. At least this paper will have a use and I will get reimbursed for it. Next time, though, I will know what to do.

Seriously, though, I am having fun with the machine. I would never have gotten one, likely, otherwise, so I guess I should thank the teacher for pushing me (or rather Dan!) into buying it!

The gift card holders are not done yet.  Still working on a prototype, which means I have trashed some of this paper just trying to get it right. Because, you know, it has to be just right.

And it's not yet. But it will be, oh yes, it will be....

But since you've been patient, I do have a scrapbook layout to show you:

I have continued to scrapbook this family vacation in MDS and I love how this layout turned out! This is another Pagemaps sketch. I also enjoy mightily the picture of the Boy with the Wayward Finger, showing his true personality. What a goof ball!

Well, enjoy the rest of your weekend. Ta!

It was a night to remember....

It was the best of times, it was the...BEST OF TIMES! LOL!

Yes, Dawn's downline meeting with Shelli Gardner (may she live forever!!!) and Sara was absolutely fabulous!

First of all, I left very early. The road I had to travel, Telegraph (aka US 24) had been reduced to two lanes for half of the way to where I was going and it was just going to be hitting the beginning of rush hour. So I thought it might take me an hour instead of the 45 that Mapquest was saying, so I left an hour and a half early.

But it only took me 35 minutes. I got there VERY early.

I was prepared, though. I had brought a book. I didn't want to go and interrupt what Dawn was doing or anything. So I read and waited until 4:30 PM, then I went into the hotel.

There were other ladies there who were talking to the lady at the desk, who was saying, "I don't know if they are letting people in yet, I will have to ask Dawn over there." And sure enough, I looked around and I could see that Dawn was sitting at a table behind a curtain, so I walked around the curtain to say hi and OMGosh, there was Shelli (may she live forever!!!) Gardner and her daughter, Sara!!! In the flesh!

I managed to not SQUEAL and fall over, but managed, by a supreme effort of will and determination, to act quite calm and friendly. Like I said, I didn't want to make Shelli (may she live forever!) think I was as stalker or anything! Dawn said, "This is Jan Tinklenberg" and I said, "Hi! We've met before, actually, but it's been a long time." Shelli (may she live forever!) and Sara excused themselves so they could go up to their hotel room and get ready and I followed Dawn into the room.

Dawn was welcoming people in and I gave her a copy of the new book, Interactive Cards, as a thank you for inviting me. She loved it and asked me to autograph it, which I was glad to do!

After Shelli and Sara came down, most of us were there, so Dawn asked us to start swapping. Shelli (may she live forever!) said that they hadn't brought swaps, but we assured her we had planned for all of us to make enough to give her and Sara each one. They were excited and loved all the swaps, which were all beautiful.

As I was sitting there, Shelli (may she live forever!) said, "Jan! You've got 'Color Renovation Celebration' on the back of your swaps...you must have created these quite recently, like in the past two days?" I said that yes, I had, in fact, I had made them all the night before, staying up until 3 AM to finish them. Shelli (may she live forever!) loved the color combination!

After that, Shelli (may she liver forever) and Sara were taking pictures of Dawn's cards on her card tree, so I was talking to the ladies at my table and brought out the cards that were returned to me from CardMaker that had been used in the Interactive Cards book to show to them. Shelli (may she live forever!) and Sara came over to see and oohed and ahhed and Dawn brought over the book for them to see and they went through it page by page! Shelli (may she live forever) knew who I was, from the article in Stampin' Success as well as having won the contest on her blog once and told me that she loved all of my work...it was so wonderful to me to hear her say that! I pointed out that Wendy Weixler, my fellow demo and one of my very best friends, also had a card in the book and she said, "Wendy, now she's another one of those ladies...the ones that could win my contest every time they enter it because their projects are always fantastic, but I can't let them win every time!" We talked some more about submitting work for publications and what you have to send in to the publisher and how much work is involved for the little amount of money you get.

Anyway, after a while of chatting and talking, Shelli (may she live forever!) got up to talk and told us all about how the company was started and why she loved her job and Stampin' Up! Then she took questions from us. My question was, "Did  you bring any of the new colors that we can see?" At first, Shelli (may she live forever!) didn't think she had, but then she remembered there was a color chart with cardstock samples on it in her briefcase, so she sent Sara upstairs to get it and we passed it around. The new colors are WONDERFUL and I can't wait to get my hands on 'em!

After that we had make and takes, which Dawn demonstrated. She also gave us some gifts!

We all did make and takes, including Shelli (may she live forever!) and Sara.

Then it was time to take pictures.

Me and Dawn. I'm looking all pale and washed out next to Dawn! She is so tan...I am just not made to tan, though!

Me and Shelli (may she live forever!)

The really thrilling thing about the whole thing, for me, was that having Shelli (may she live forever) and Sara there was just like being with a couple of girlfriends that you know at a workshop. I felt like we really got to know each other a little, not at all like being at Convention or Regionals where you are another person in a long line of people that Shelli (may she live forever) has talked to. I can imagine it is hard to remember names and faces and details, but I really remember that the first time I met Shelli (may she live forever), she asked me how long I had been a demonstrator. When I said 3 years, she said, "And we've never met?" That more than anything else impressed me at that time. I struggle to remember people's names and sometimes totally blank out even with people I've known a while!

Some of the pictures I took did not turn out, which makes me sad. And I wish I had taken MORE pictures, especially of Dawn's daughter, Jessica and her best friend, who were helping out and were so fun! But if you want to see pictures of them, you can tool on over to Shelli's (may she live forever!) blog, SoShelli.com. You can see even more photos on Dawn's blog, Dawn's Stamping Thoughts.

After the pictures were taken, it was time to set up for the workshop. We were not allowed to attend the workshop as well, it was only for customers. Shelli (may she live forever!) and Sara started setting up for the workshop. I took some pictures:

GOJUS!!!

All in all, I won't ever forget this event...I just can't explain what a wonderful time I had and it was so nice to meet all of the ladies who were there as well, including some of you who read my blog! Dawn is such a sweet person and I was so happy to have been invited!

The migration...

When they first landed in their new home, they were young and brash, and clean, oh so very clean. (They smelled nice too!) They endured the trip from their previous home with stoic acceptance, bidding farewell to their fellows without tears, accepting that this was the natural order of things. This was what all their brief lives had been leading up to, and they were finally able to fulfill the purpose for which they were created.

Once they arrived, they were settled quickly into their new homes, in pairs, as was their custom. They all awaited the moment when they would finally emerge into the light.

And slowly, pair by pair, they left the four walls of their domicile and fulfilled that purpose. For most of their kind, life would be an endless round of departing in the morning, traveling around for a day, then at the end of the day being taken to a different place and waiting there for a few days until they took a trip to the place of cleansing, and finally arriving back to their domicile, all to be done over and over again without ceasing until time and stress took their toll and they were finally finished, washed up, and discarded. It was a hard life, but one that they accepted.

But what was this? What? When some of them arrived at some households, they found an entirely different routine. Instead of leaving on a morning and travelling around for a day, they were subjected to days and sometimes (the horror!) even a whole week of travel. Sometimes the travel took place outside, without the benefit of shoes to protect them from the dirt and harsh conditions. And sometimes when there were shoes, the conditions become so noisome and fetid that when they were finally released from their travel, they were odorous and filthy. And even then their troubles did not end, for instead of being taken to await cleansing, often they were unceremoniously dumped into inaccessible locations, where they lay emitting fumes and cursing those who put them there.

And so, one by one, and two by two, these socks migrated where no foul odor would ever touch them, where the wicked (children) cease from troubling, and where no hole or careless big toe could ever hurt them again. They went to the place where socks go to remain hidden and inaccessible for the rest of their lives. It's called the Bermuda Socktangle.

The center of the Bermuda Socktangle is in Redford, Michigan, located in the home of the Tinklenberg Family. More socks have disappeared in the Tinklenberg house than in any other place in the world. Socks know when they've found a good place to live and they also know when they have found a bad one. And the Tinklenberg house is definitely a bad, sad place to live.

The children missed their socks when they disappeared, oh yes, they did. "Where are the knitted ribs that kept my feet warm, oh so very long, long ago? Where is the fuzziness that tickled my toes? Where is the feety odor that assaulted my nose? Whence have they gone? Oh, brave socks of white (well, once they were white!), blue, and green (and orange and red and pink and...well, you get the picture!) Their like shalt never, ever be seen again! Mom, do you have a pair of socks I can borrow, just for today?"

Alas, the Mom's socks also disappear, but she also has pairs of socks that are older than her children that still serve her faithfully. She sits alone at night, listening to the washing machine chugging away, knowing that even though she has put every sock she could find in the machine, that there were far too many singleton socks and socks that were thrown away due to holes (how could they stand to wear them with such big holes in them?), so that the chances of her children finding a matching pair of socks to wear to school the next day were pretty slim.

So today, the circle of life will begin again, as the Mom departs for Target, there to again purchase socks for her children, bringing them home to live in the drawers for a brief time, then it will be back to the same dysfunctional sock life that causes so many socks to depart into the Bermuda Socktangle. Pray for socks, everyone. Pray for them. Ask not for whom the washer chugs, it chugs for thee.

How to wish a ninja happy birthday....

It's a puzzlement.

How do you wish a ninja happy birthday?

Do you say, "Happy Birthday and may you find much gold as you kill people this year"?

The reason I was wondering this today was that today was Will's birthday. Yes, the boy with the wayward finger is getting older at a rapid rate.

For some reason, which I cannot fathom, Stampin' Up! has not come out with any ninja stamps! What is up with that, eh? It is a puzzlement.

So, when making a card for a ninja lovin' boy, what do you stamp?

I decided, after noodling this for a while today, that my best bet was to make a punch art ninja, in particular, Hiro from Will's favorite Wii game, Mini Ninjas.

Mini Ninjas is a totally addictive role-playing game that has really fabulous graphics and a cast of extremely cute little ninjas. It's a game I have been  playing too, just because a) I am a kid at heart and b) it's what Will is into right now. He has finished the game a number of times already since Christmas, so he enjoys mentoring his much more inexperienced mother in the intricacies of the game.

So after much fiddling around to get something that looked decent, I finally achieved a decent looking Hiro. Lookie:

Ingredients: Stamps - Inspired by Nature; Paper - Green Galore, Real Red, Basic Black, Blush Blossom, Going Grey, Basic Grey, Brushed Silver; Ink - Green Galore, Glorious Green; Other -  Basic Grey Taffeta Ribbon, Basic Black & Creamy Caramel markers, white gel pen, dragonfly brads (dunno source); Punches - Notch Corner Punch (retired), Small, Large, and Wide Oval punches, 1 1/4 & 1 3/8" circle punches, Large Flower punch, 1/2" circle punch, Curly Label punch, Round Tab Punch, Butterfly punch, Photo Corner punch

Was William impressed by this amazing feat of punch art skill?

I'd have to say, "not really." The first thing he did when he opened it was to shake it and see if any money fell out. Yep, he's a ninja all right. There is no money in there, young ninja. Otherwise, the horrible carpet you are kneeling on would have been replaced a long time ago. Children are expensive, especially around their birthdays. So after spending all the money on your presents, there is none left to buy carpeting or put inside of cards. But, as you can see, if we had had new carpeting a few months ago, it would have gotten nasty blue ink spots on it anyway. Because of some ninja with a marker who wanted to know what was inside it. Ninjas are curious that way. Might as well wait to buy carpeting until the ninja is not so curious.

However, the ninja was much more pleased by the presents he opened after the card, especially this one:

For those not in the know, it's a Nintendo DS lite, a gizmo Will has been campaigning for for many months now.

He was excited.

For those not in the know, this is what a ninja looks like when he is about to jump for joy.

I foresee that this is going to be a good thing, particularly since the accessory kit we bought for it has headphones.

'Cause I don't know about YOUR ninja, but mine can be pretty darned loud, when he's not in stealth mode.

And he's almost never in stealth mode. But that's okay. I love him just the same. Observe the hair. Nice and clean and free from inhabitants. Observe the fingers, none wayward, all standing nicely in a row. Dang, he's cute.

And all I can think of is how much he looks like my dad.

Dad is the kid with the big grin, third from the left in the middle. And yes, those are all his brothers and sisters. Grandma was a woman of character and great fertility. There are two sets of twins in that picture.

I can't imagine thirteen kids, especially if they were all as loud as this one.

But at least he's quiet...for a little while.

Life is good. Ta!

Update on Kit Store and My Health (or lack thereof)

I know you are all waiting with bated breath for new and astonishing creations from yours truly (YILM!), but the plain truth is this:

BRONCHITIS BITES!

After a week of no progress and crackly breathing and general yuck (no, this is not a special Chinese-American dish!), I went to the nurse-practitioner on Wednesday and she said I seemed to have bronchitis, so I got an inhaler and a Z-pack.

And maybe I should say

ANTIBIOTICS BITE!

Because the Z-Pack is kickin' my butt. I am soooo sleepy from taking it, but I'm hoping it kicks in soon. I'm a sicka dis s.....tuff!

On the Kit Store front, I am happy to report that I have changed my method of delivering instructions to those who buy them, due to endless hassles with corrupted files and emails just not getting where they were supposed to, by signing up for a cart service that will host my files and allow you to download them from their site. To date, only one person is still without the instructions she paid for and I sent her an email with the link to the site to download the instructions.

This will make MY life so much easier and yours too, I hope!

In the meantime, I'm working a little bit, as I have the energy, on the revised version of the Coaster Calendar Kit and hope to have the prototype done quite soon! And I do plan on stamping a card today so that  my blog will not be naked in this cold winter wind!

I had grumpy children to deal with this morning, as they were wishing, hoping, praying, and doing a snow dance to try to get the day off today. But we in Michigan are hardy souls...3 to 4 inches of snow do not close us down, nosirree!

Well, my mind says it wants to stamp but my body says it wants to nap! Can I resist? Will Jan overcome her body (which has never been all that cooperative, let's make that plain!) and stamp? Or will sleep overwhelm her so that the stamps fall from somnolent fingers as her head slowly tips forward onto her ink pad, making for a very colorful nose? Stayed tuned for the next exciting installment of BRONCHITIS BITES!

Happy New Year!

Greetings from the Tinklenberg Wii Castle!

Yes, my children finally broke their parents' will and resolution achieved one of their hearts' desires, which was to get their very own Wii for Christmas. Grandma & Grandpa Tink bought the actual Wii, and we bought the controllers and games. And much of the past week has been spent playing with it.

Dan wanted to string them along a bit, so we didn't put any of the Wii stuff out. Instead, we piled all the OTHER presents around the tree...maybe not so many this year as previous years because some of the money went towards the Wii stuff. But thanks to all of those of you who have kept those kit and instructions orders coming in, my kids had a very Merry Christmas indeed.

So, as we thought, after all the other presents were opened, came the plaintive voices "No Wii?!?!?!" In their defense, my children had been getting the hypothetical questions, "So if we WERE to get a Wii for Christmas, what games would you like...just in case, on the slim chance that we MIGHT consider getting one? Which we might not." So they were kind of expecting it, but weren't really sure. And they had really appreciated every other present they had gotten so far...why wouldn't they, when they had given me detailed lists (Laurel's alone was a miracle of neatness and clarity...she doesn't get that from me! LOL!) not to mention links to stuff on Amazon that they wanted.

When the plaintive voices sounded, which was my cue to start Christmas Morning Phase II, I turned my husband and said, "OH! Did we forget to put anything out?" And he was supposed to go, "Oh, gee, I don't know...maybe I should go look!" And then he was supposed to go fetch it all.

But Dan wanted to go further than that...he said, "No, I don't think we did."

I gave him a hard look. "Really? I could have sworn there was one or two things we forgot to put out."

"Well, maybe...but I don't remember for sure..." He wanted to keep going and going...and I just didn't have the heart. So I went and got the package that contained the Wii itself and Dan opened it, and the squealing began.

After that, we let them take turns opening the rest of the booty. We got enough controller so that 4 people could play at a time. We got a charging station so that we weren't going to be keeping Duracell in business playing our Wii. And we got a lot of games, including Band Hero, which I got for a sweet price on the GuitarHero.com website. And we've had a lot of fun playing with that and the other games. For my present, I ordered the Wii Fit Plus, which should be coming tomorrow. My main resolution for the New Year is to be healthier...and that means exercising, but it's got to be fun exercising. I know that this particular game isn't all that much of a workout, but for someone who looks like the Pillsbury Dough Girl, who gets out of breath pulling on her compression stockings in the morning and whose greatest workout consists of going up and down stairs to do laundry or to stamp, it will be better than anything I *was* doing. Later, I can get something a little more challenging.

In the meantime, life has been going forward...but I seemed to lack much energy to be dealing with much of it and when finally, on Monday, I kept falling asleep whenever I sat down and was hearing a bit of crackling when I breathed did I realize I was sick. Probably walking pneumonia, but when I called the doctors on Tuesday, they didn't even want to see me unless I had a temp or shortness of breath. Which I didn't. I don't usually run a temp when ill anymore, since my body temp is lower than normal since my thyroid is gone.

So I've spent quite a bit of time, over the past few days, dozing. And not stamping. Which reached critical mass when I got the usual email from the Controlfreaks swap mom, Lisa, threatening dire retribution for missing reminding us about the deadline fast approaching for the Occasions Mini/Sale-A-Bration swap. And I had to get my rear in gear and start designing or else. Luckily, I finally started feeling much better by yesterday, so I got quite a bit done and will be getting these out the door by Monday at the latest, hopefully sooner. In the meantime, I've had to request an extension on my next test deadline from Andrews School...because when I attempted to study in the condition I was in, I quickly dozed off.

So I got nada to show you today. Just the assurance that I have not fallen off the face of the earth and that genius burns in the Tinklenberg Wii Castle dungeon, where ma stampin' lair is located. Be patient...and Happy New Year!

Mastering Manipulation - New Seminar for Children Available Now!

Good day!

I come to you today to offer a unique opportunity for children aged 8 to 12 years old! At this point, parents please fetch your children to read the rest...you aren't supposed to know about how this works.

Okay? Ready? Hi, children! I'm here to tell you about an exciting opportunity: Mastering Manipulation, a complete course teaching children how to get want they want from those pesky people who are in the way of complete fun, parents.

This course is taught by the master himself, Mr. Will Tinklenberg, MAPM (Master of Parental Manipulation)

Mr. Tinklenberg will be teaching his 5-point Manipulation Mastery course, consisting of the following points:

• Threatening to run away from home.
• Complaining about how everyone at school hates you.
• Talking about how tired you are, how your head or stomach hurts, or better yet, how you are hungry and need to eat NOW rather than doing your homework or chores.
• Selective hearing, in which you learn to shut out demands for stupid activities like cleaning your room or working in the yard in exchange for your allowance, which every kid knows stands for "Money that a kid is ALLOWED to have", not "Money that a kid has to EARN." Duh!
• And last, but not least, FLATTERY, that is, telling parents how much you love them, bringing them packages of Milano cookies that you really would rather eat yourself, bringing them cans of Diet Coke without being asked, and making them unique and fun greeting cards that say "You Rock!" with whimsical illustrations drawn by you, the Master Manipulator.

All methods are guaranteed to work as long as parents are not aware of them. Once they twig to them, the jig is up and you will have to find other ways of getting what you want.

Please email William's mom with your Paypal account information or for an address where you can send a check for $40 to pay for this course. A Wii gaming system, Ninentendo DS or other gaming paraphenalia you are tired of can also be used as payment. 

More info and more class projects

Howdy, howdy, howdy!

How are you today? Good? Me too.

Last night I listened to two SU! webinars, one on the new My Digital Studio software that will be available for purchase on October 1st! Woohoo! Not only is this nifty new software great for digital scrapbooking, you can also make cards, flyers, slide shows, web banners...well, it is just STINKIN' COOL and so easy to use! My copy will be here next week and I can't wait!

The other webinar had to do with the new Independent Demonstrator Agreement. I'm happy to say that, AS I THOUGHT (I am so STINKIN' psychic!!!) the changes in the Independent Demonstrator Agreement aren't nearly as stifling as was first speculated.

And honestly, folks, it was mostly speculation that was floating around for the past few days, partly due to the fact that, yes, SU! was not perfectly clear as to what they meant and people panicked. I was very sad to see people on Facebook and SCS talking about this speculation as if it were the whole truth and nothing but the truth. People who said they would never buy from SU! again or wouldn't sign up now, though they had been thinking about it. The amount of misinformation that is floating out there, some of it sadly spread by some of our own demonstrators, has already damaged SU!'s reputation. And that is sad.

I'm sure some people will say, 'Oh, JAN has drank the KOOL-AID!" Let me tell you that I'm no fool, my friends. If I thought there was anything unethical about what I was being asked to do or overly intrusive into how I conduct myself online, I would be out of here like a shot.

And I like black cherry Kool-Aid the best...make a note of that. On ice. With a twist of lime.

So what did they say last night, Shelli (may she live forever!), Dale Fillmore (that old guy, LOL!), and Pam Morgan? They said that YES we can link to our friends blogs, YES we can link up to sites like Splitcoaststampers, Stampin' Addicts, and Craft Critique! We can link anywhere that does NOT sell competitive products and have a shopping cart or Buy Now button on the site.

We can even design for other companies, we just can't blog about it. While there are many internet companies that would not accept this for design team members, there are still more traditional companies that are always looking for display stampers. Your creations can go on their boards at stamping convention and even be posted on their websites WITH YOUR NAME ON IT and this is not a violation of policy. You can also submit them for publication just as before.

So what are the don'ts? It's fairly simple:

1) Don't link up to places that actually sell on their site. So SCS? That's fine. Scrapbook.com? Nope...they have a web store. Your friend's blog who sells a competing product? Link away! Your friend's business website where she actually sells that product? No linky. Easy peasy, lemon squeezie!

And this includes only competing product. So your friend's website where she sells handcrafted tomato cages autographed by an NBA superstar who loves tomatoes, each one painstakingly created from gen-you-whine copper imported from Michigan's Upper Peninsula, with tiny beads made by Hungarian peasants with their own crafts cooperative hanging off the wires that chime gently in the breeze and organically scare away insects?!?! YES, you may link to that website.

But if she adds a line of stamps depicting tomatoes, or NBA superstars eating tomatoes, or patterned paper with tomatoes on it...then you have a problem. Not just with SU!, but with tomatoes...you need to eat something else for a balanced diet. Because too many tomatoes will....well...never mind!

2) When you post a project using other companies stamps, or supplies, there are particular rules that apply. SU! encourages it's demos not to be too specific about who the manufacturer is, what the price was, and where you bought it. That's it. If you happen to mention it, you will not suffer a painful death while Pam Morgan turns the rack. Probably, nothing will happen at all. People who ABUSE the policy are the ones that will have their turn on the rack! (I AM KIDDING!) There is a bit of a gray area here and its called "incidental use".

Now, if I use someone OTHER company's embossing folder on the card I post and I say, "Swiss Dots embsossing folder" that is just fine. What I can't say is "Provocraft Cuttlebug Swiss Dots Embossing Folder bought at Michael's with a coupon for 40% off, here is a link to their website, here is a link to the coupon, OMGosh go buy one today!!!' Then I have a problem. But when have I ever said anything like this? NEVER. Doesn't bother me.

And look, I just mentioned a competing company on my blog! And it's okay, because a) it's INCIDENTAL and b) I did not LINK to those companies. And the STAMPIN UP! police have not shown up!!! WOW!

Of course, if one of my lovely readers sees my reference to the "Swiss Dots embossing folder" and says, "OMGosh I NEED TO KNOW WHO MAKES THAT!!! I want to buy one today, this minute, I will sell all my children's Pokemon cards on Ebay so I can buy it!!!!", all that lovely reader needs to do is to email me and ask, "Who, O who, Jan, my idol, my queen, makes that beautiful embossing folder you had on your card of yesterday? I really REALLY NEED TO KNOW!!! PLEASE! PLEASE! I'll send CHOCOLATE!!! I'll DO ANYTHING!!!" and I will, of course, tell you who makes it and I will be perfectly in compliance. Ask me where I got it and I will direct you to Google, where I am sure you will be able to find a vendor without a problem. If you do have a problem, just email me back!

I've also seen some people saying, "But if I don't list a stamp manufacturer when I post a card, I violate their angel policy!!" Angel policies cover commercial use of stamps, not personal. If you are making and posting? No violation not to put a name and/or copyright on your picture. Making and selling? Yes, not putting the copyright info on there somewhere would be a violation.

I know there are people who are complaining that it violates their right to free speech. This is the thing: there are situations everywhere that take way your right to free speech. Anytime you sign a contract, chances are there is a clause in there to prevent you from saying something to someone about something. If you are a demo and you signed the old IDA, you already traded away your ability to say whatever you want in a workshop. You did it to get a discount on the best stamps on the planet (well...that's just MY opinion). You can't walk into a customer's home, say, "I know I'm a SU! demo, but I really want you to buy my friend Sally's stamps from her company instead!" It's in your contract already. If I had a problem with signing contracts that prevent me from saying what I want, I would probably end up staying in my house all day and never leaving. And someday, they would find me, half-eaten by Alsatians.

Now how is SU! going to police this? Are they going to go around reading my personal emails, Facebook page, newsletters, posts on web forums, letters to my cousin Patti (hi Patti!) and this blog?

The answer is a resounding NO. This is all based on the honor system. It will work much as the old way of monitoring Ebay used to be. They will deal with referrals for abuse and only come down hard on the rampant violators of the policy. . And I'm talking about people who regularly link to competing websites. Not people who list the occasional other company's product in their ingredient list.

And that's it. The world is not ending.

Now for the fun stuff. MY cards, the ones that I make from the BEST STAMPS ON THE PLANET!!! Lookie:

 

Ingredients: Stamps - Nursery Necessities; Paper - Certainly Celery, Almost Amethyst, Pale Plum, Whisper White; Ink - Bermuda Bay, Almost Amethyst, Pale Plum; Other - 5/16" Neutrals Assortment brad, Scallop Circle punch, Small Star punch, Large Star punch, Double Rectangle punch, Scallop Edge punch, Stampin' Up! Texturz Plates Backgrounds I, Bermuda Bay dotted grosgrain ribbon, paper piercing tool, dimensionals, sponge wedge.

GOJUS!!! (YILM!) I know, I know, I kind of went OVERBOARD with the punches, but isn't the result worth it?!?!?

And finally, the piece-de-resistance,

 

Ingredients: Stamps - Lots of Bots, On Your Birthday; Paper - Brushed Silver, Whisper White, Bermuda Bay, Dusty Durango, Crushed Curry; Ink - Basic Black, Crushed Curry, Dusty Durango, Bermuda Bay marker, Crushed Curry Marker, Dusty Durango Marker, Going Gray marker; Other - white gel pen, Crushed Curry dotted grosgrain, Word Window punch, 1/2" circle punch, 1 1/4" circle punch, silver brads, Basic Black gingham ribbon, Stampin' Up! Texturz Plates Backgrounds I, sponge wedge, dimensionals

STINKIN' CUTE! I haven't done one of these cards in a long, long time and so I thought it would be cute to do it with the Brushed Silver paper as the base and texture it to look like metal flooring.

Well, I have spent enough time on this blog, my fantasy world online, and must return to reality, leaving you all here gaping in wonder at my creations. (YILM!) I'll be seeing you around. Ta!

I have a new disease

You don't need to worry about having this one unless you are a demonstrator. It's a seasonal disease, occurring quite often during preorder periods and on the occasions of first orders from new catalogs. What is the name of this horrible disorder?

Demonstratively Unprofitable Mathematics Due to Unusual Mental Stimulus Syndrome, sometimes known by the acronym DUMDUMSS, but more usually, the brief form "Demo Math".

What is Demo Math? It's a disease involving convoluted mental processes which are employed by demonstrators suffering from this syndrome, which involve much consultation of the hostess benefit tables, Great Rewards charts, the Career Plan and sometimes even the mini catalog earning tables. It is caused by over-stimulus from viewing too many cool new products in the catalog, causing long wish lists to be made as well as burning out many cheap dollar store calculators (unless the demo has a spreadsheet program), chewed pencils, and late hours revising the list yet AGAIN. Staring into space and muttering under the breath are often noted, as the tortuous inner dialog created by the disease gets under way. Secretiveness is also a presenting symptom, with demonstrators sometimes even telling their spouses that the big box of merchandise that arrives sometime after a DUMDUMSS episode was a free gift from the company.

Here is a common inner dialog of a demonstrator suffering from DUMDUMSS during a new catalog launch. To make this simpler, we will name the two sides of the dialog as Demo and DUMDUMSS (if it helps, here's a little illustration that will help you with the mental picture you are forming as you read this):

Demo: I'm only going to spend $200. Really. I don't need to order everything at once, much more fun to spread out all the goodies over the entire year this catalog is in effect. Right?

DUMDUMSS: Welllllll....ya know....you should really add THIS to your order. If you get THIS you could use it at your next class!

Demo: Wow! I hadn't thought about that, but you are right! That would be perfect for my next class! Oh...but then, I'm over $200..more like $230. Should I take something off?

DUMDUMSS: NO! Er...instead, maybe you should bump your order up to $250! Because then you would get $5 more in hostess benefits! Instead of getting that $19.95 set you planned on getting, you could get THIS one instead that is $24.95! And if you move the $19.95 over to your merchandise total, you would easily have $250!

Demo: Ohhhkay...I see what you are saying. But wait...I forgot I needed some supplies for my next class. I really need to take some things off so I can fit those on...they are, after all, more important than just getting new stuff.

DUMDUMSS: Don't do that!!! Um...I mean, really, you need all of this stuff! What would you take off? This? You are using it for swaps! That? You need that for what's-her-name's next workshop! And that and that and THAT you need for classes. Nope. You have to order all this stuff!

Demo: Oh...you're right. Hmmmm. Guess I need to sell a few more retired things!

DUMDUMSS: That's the ticket!

Demo: But no more! $250 is my new limit, I will not go above that.

DUMDUMSS: Absolutely...oh! I just looked at the Great Rewards page! You only need 300 more points to be able to order that thing  you've been wanting.

Demo: 300? Really?

DUMDUMSS: Yeah...and it's FREE. FREE stuff is so NICE!

Demo: Free...yeah....free! Free is...good! Free!

DUMDUMSS: Normally it would cost you $30 to buy that! So, by bumping your order up to $300, you are actually SAVING money, because you are getting it for FREE!

Demo: Free...freee.....freeeeeeeeee...

DUMDUMSS: Not to mention, $300 means a level 2 hostess set! You could get this one, you've been wanting it!

Demo: Yeah! Yeah!

DUMDUMSS: So what can we add to get up to $300, besides those supplies for class? How about....Halloween sets? You've got two on your wishlist, and you should really order those Halloween sets right away too so you can start making samples!

Demo: Hey, you are so right! I need them ASAP!

DUMDUMSS: You do! You do need them right away!

Demo: Okay! Let's put them on! (Noise of clicking keys) Wait a minute. The supplies, plus those two sets together, with the wheel that matches, which after all, I should order too because there is no point in getting it later, as well as the Halloween DSP which, if I want to make samples, I will definitely need, comes to $75!!! That takes me up to $325!! Too much! I need to take something off....but what?

DUMDUMSS: We've already been OVER THIS! You can't take ANYTHING off!

Demo: Sigh...you're right, I can't.

DUMDUMSS: No, you can't. You have to order all this stuff...and you know...

Demo: What now?

DUMDUMSS: I shouldn't say anything!

Demo: No, no, go ahead!

DUMDUMSS: You're pretty close to the next level of $350. And if you have a $350 order, you will get 2% more in volume rebate this month! That's like...(clicking keys) $20! That's like a free stamp set!

Demo: Ooooohhh! I forgot about volume rebate! I'd be...

DUMDUMSS: SAVING money by bumping your order up to $350!

Demo: Saving money...

DUMDUMSS: That's right. SAVING money. You should do it. You could add this set here on your wish list!

Demo: But I wasn't planning on ordering that until closer to Christmas; it is a Christmas set after all.

DUMDUMSS: But you know you should really have at least one more new Christmas set to show at your open house! Remember, stampers start thinking about their Christmas cards earlier and earlier! You don't want to drop the ball!

Demo: Okay, I'll do it!

DUMDUMSS: Hurrah! I'll add it...oh, and now you've got an extra $5 in hostess bennies! Let's look at the wish list!

Demo: $5 doesn't buy much, but I can always use...um...more dimensionals, I guess.

DUMDUMSS: Booooooorrrrinnnnggg!

Demo: I know, but I go through a lot of them, so they are always useful.

DUMDUMSS: Oh! Oh! I just noticed something!

Demo: What?

DUMDUMSS: Your downline has been selling up a storm!

Demo: They have? Last time I looked, they weren't doing that well.

DUMDUMSS: Well, that has certainly changed! How cool for you, you can now get...oh.

Demo: I can get what?

DUMDUMSS: Sigh...well, if you had just $50 more, you would be up to the required sales level to be paid at your title level for full downline overrides.

Demo: $50 more?!?!? No, no...I can't do that! I'd have to sell...I don't have enough retired to sell to cover that. Won't work!

(silence)

DUMDUMSS: Wait! Remember how your sister said she'd buy that thing you got at Michael's? The one you never use? Why not sell it to her and use the money to bump up your order?

Demo: Well...I was PLANNING on using that! Sometime, anyway...

DUMDUMSS: It's been in your stamp room 4 months and you haven't used it yet! Are you ever going to?

Demo: Wellll....NO, I will NOT sell that. I want it.

DUMDUMSS: Okay, okay! So  you need to sell something else. But what?

Demo: Yeah, what?

(long silence)

DUMDUMSS: Heheheh...no, no way.

Demo: What?

DUMDUMSS: Never mind!

Demo: No, what? C'mon, tell me!

DUMDUMSS: Well, I just had an idea for something you could sell...but no, you wouldn't do that to..

Demo: Who? What?

DUMDUMSS: Heheheh...well, I was thinking about that set of golf clubs that your husband has.

Demo: I can't sell those! He'd kill me!

DUMDUMSS: C'mon, he hasn't used them in 10 years!

Demo: I know! But they are his clubs! (short pause) And anyway, who would buy them?

DUMDUMSS: Remember how Amy's husband was saying how much he liked them and if you ever wanted to sell to call him? Remember?

Demo: Oh, yeah...

DUMDUMSS: Hubby would never miss them. Really. Think about it!

(long silence)

Demo: As much as I hate to say it, you're probably right. He is so much into Xbox these days, he'd probably never even notice.

DUMDUMSS: Nope! So...what are you going to do?

Demo: I'm gonna sell 'em!

DUMDUMSS: And then what?

Demo: Bump up my order!

DUMDUMSS: That's it! And now you can get a level two AND a level one hostess set! And $45 in free stuff!

Demo: Free! Yay!

Kinder just to end it here...as you can imagine, it could possibly go on until Demo has sold everything that isn't nailed down so she can bump her order up to dizzying heights!

What is the cure for Demo Math? I hate to tell you, but it requires someone to administer a sound slap to the demonstrator's face while in the midst of her math frenzy! And since these episodes often occur at late hours of the night after the demonstrator's spouse and children have long since gone to bed, this disease runs unchecked, leaving chaos, depleted bank accounts, and, on the plus side, clean and tidy garages and storage areas in its wake!

What? You're wondering where my order started and how long the inner dialog strung me along and where it left me? That's a very personal question! Humph! You know what? I ain't a tellin'! So there!

But I bet you want to know just what I had on my first order! Oh, all right!

115951 Stampin' Up! Timeless Type Alphabet Junior
115187 Beware Pirates
115181 Extreme Elements
113824 Greenhouse Garden
115354 Scenic Season
115460 From the Crypt
115954 Stampin' Up! Two Tags Bigz Die
117100 Woodgrain
116628 Jumbo Snowflake Punch
116629 Butterfly Punch
118373 Ribbon Sampler (demos only!)
115952 Stampin' Up! Hi Embosslit
115672 Merry Moments DSP
115680 Kaleidoscope DSP
115670 Nouveau Chic DSP
115677 Cast-A-Spell DSP
115617 Chocolate Chip 1 1/4" striped grosgrain
115608 Real Red 3/4" polka-dot grosgrain
115328 Extreme Guitar
116313 Playground Buttons
115964 Stampin' Up! Elegant Bouquet Embossing Folder
115963 Stampin' Up! Final Press Embossing Folder
115554 Simple Snowflake Single Stamp
117680 Bulk Buy Designer Buttons
117350 Orchard Ribbon Originals Bulk
115962 Perfect Details Texturz Plate
115950 Stampin' Up! Scallop Square
115223 Medallion
115558 Little Boo Single Stamp
115334 Country Morning Level 1 Hostess Set
114399 Asian Artistry Level 2 Hostess Set

I know it seems like a lot....but some of it was FREE! Really! And with my volume rebate...well...NEVER MIND!!! And thank goodness for selling all those retired stamps on Craigslist, 'cause now my husband's golf clubs are quite safe, thank you! Ta!